Someday Never
by fiction-goddes
Summary: What happens to Nicol before he became a ZAFT member?


Someday never

Nicol thinks back, now he stands in line for the ZAFT military, he salutes for captain Kruze.

"_Nicol, you won't be joining to the ZAFT military, I forbid it!" his mother says._

"_But mama, I need to protect PLANT, I don't have a choice but to do this!" he replies._

_Nicol's mother shakes her head, saddened by the decision of her only son. "Nicol, you are my son, I don't want to see you get hurt, I can't forgive myself if something happens to you!" is her answer to his plead._

_Nicol doesn't answer, he knows that what he does is right, he feels it in his heart._

_He grabs his bag. "I'm sorry, mama, I'll be off now, I'll make sure to be carefull!" he says, giving her mother a kiss on her cheek. After that, he walks away, blinking away the tears in his eyes._

"_50000 tears I've cried"_

'I still think that what I'm doing is right!' he thinks, listening to Kruze's words about the Valentine on Blood.

'Never again, something like that!' Nicol thinks.

"The Naturals have gone too far this time, attacking us with nukes and killing our soldiers has been the start, but destroying Neutral farming PLANT is just one leap too far!" Patrick Zala says in a TV broadcast.

"_Unius 7 has gone under?" miss Amalfi says, shocked, rememebring all the relatives she has in that colony._

_Nicol looks at her and sees the pain in her eyes._

"_Those damned Naturals!" his father shouts. "This time they've really gone too far!" _

_The anger in his voice makes him tremble in fear._

"_I'll need to go to the council to check the situation!" his father says._

_Nicol sighs. 'This will be the true beginning of the war my father talks about all the time, no peace anymore...' he thinks._

"_Nicol, remember what I once told you about joining the military?" his father asks._

_Nicol looks at his father, simply nodding._

"_I hope you'll think about it again after watching this broadcast!" his father continues._

_His mother stands up and walks away, Nicol knows she doesn't agree with this idea._

"_I'll consider it, father!" he answers._

_His father nods and walks away._

'_Unius 7... destroyed so easily, why? They were Neutral, they didn't have anything to do with this war!' Nicol thinks, sighing again and walking out of the room, towards his piano, knowing this the toughest decision of all was about to be made in his life._

_"I won't be broken again"_

Nicol walks towards his room, he'll be sharing it with Miguel, an older member of ZAFT, he doesn't know him very well, but from what he's seen of him, he's ok to be around.

He likes all the members of ZAFT, although Isaac and Diakka are rather strange, violent towards him, ok, he isn't the fastest student and he can be frightened sometimes, Isaac really scares him at times, he seems to have a grunge against him.

He took classes with Isaac and he always seemed to be more violent against him than to other members of his class.

Nicol doesn't really mid, thanks to Isaac, Nicol learned a lot of strategics to counter him, it made him faster and stronger, somewhere he thinks that this was Isaac's purpose, to make him understand what a real battle is like, although he thinks it's complete nonsense.

Athrun on the other hand was always really kind to him, explaining him everything he needed to know and spending time with him even when they weren't in class, the two became good friends and Nicol wouldn't say it out loud, but he almost sees Athrun as his bigger brother, some one to look up to, someone to guide him.

He sighs and sits down on the bed that was given to him.

His father was really proud of the decision he made, his mother started crying and yelling right away, telling him to stop thinking about this and continue his road to become a pianist, he's got the whole future in front of him, why would he make such a stupid decision? She didn't want to think of losing her only son.

"Father..." Nicol starts, it's evening and Nicol has considered what his father asked of him.

_His father murmers an answer, his mind is with the war, Nicol decides._

_He takes a deep breath and looks at his mother who does seems to be interested in what he has to say._

"_I've decided to join ZAFT..." he quickly says. 'There. Now there's no way back!' he thinks. He's still not completely convinced about his choice, but he felt like he needed to do something to stop the war._

_His father is all ears now. "That's a very good desicion, Nicol!" he says with a big smile. "I know you'll do great!"_

_His mother shakes her head. "No, Ni-chan, I won't let you go there!" she says firmly._

_Nicol looks at his mother. "I've made my desicion, mama, even you can't stop me, I'm sorry!" she softly replies._

"_I know you wanted me to become a pianist, but how can I peacefully play songs while there are people out there fighting a war? It's called irony!"_

_He wasn't sure what was expected of him, but if he was able to protecht his beloved ones, he'd be happy, becomming a pianist could wait, oh, he'd still practice and he wouldn't give up this dream, but his heart told him to go._

"_No, Nicol, you won't go, you'll die out there!" his mother says, tears are dripping down her face._

_Nicol suddenly feels very guilty, a cold feeling downs on him._

"_I'm sorry, mama, but... I just can't let you die... who knows where the Naturals will attack next? Maybe they'll attack this colony and I couldn't do anything to protect you, I'd feel very guilty!" he explains._

_His mother still cried, but her protests seemed to die on her lips. "Nicol..." she tries, but she shakes her head and walks away from the table._

Nicol sighs again, he knows he shouldn't had taken such a harsh desicion, but who expected he's actually be fighting in the war? He sure didn't, he thought he'd maybe get a desk job or something, because he's way too young, but he found out he was assigned for pilot training, it struck him with painful force. He was glad to see that Athrun was there to cheer him up, telling him that they were in the same class and that they'd go through it together. He'd looked at the blue haired guy and saw the pain in his eyes, he knew he was fighting for the same purpose. It was the start of a beautiful friendship.

And so it was, when his first class started, Athrun was there to protect him from loud mouth Diakka and agressive Isaac.

"Come on, we're already late!" Athrun shouts at Nicol who's only a few steps behind him.

"_I'm sorry, I overslept!" he replies, trying to catch his breath._

"_You really need to do something about that, you won't achieve anything when you keep being late, you know!" Athrun tells him._

_Nicol nods. "I know..." he simply says._

_The two are lost in the massive building that's called the military acedemy._

"_Where do we need to go again?" Athrun asks Nicol._

_Nicol grabs his schedule and tries to find the direction to the classroom. "Room 142B!" he says._

"_Watch it!" he suddenly hears, he looks up and runs right into a pale haired person that was comming out of a side way, both fall to the ground._

"_Oh, I'm so sorry!" Nicol says, coloring bright red._

_The pale haired guy stands up again. "can't you watch were you're going?" he shouts, seemingly angry._

"_I told you, I'm sorry, we're late for class and we've lost the way!" Nicol replies, still sitting on the ground, his head hurts from bumping into the pale haired guy's arm._

"_New comers huh? In which class are you?" the guy says now, still not getting rid of that annoying angry tone._

"_Pilot training..." Athrun quickly says._

_The pale haired guy looks at him as if he hadn't even noticed he was there. "Well, that's just great, so it seems I need to bare you for the rest of the year..." he says sarcastic._

"_As so it seems!" Athrun says in a tone that makes Nicol feel like the two could start fighting every second._

_The pale haired guy makes a sound of disapproval. "Well, since you're lost, folllow me, you're late, the teacher isn't that kind to people who are late, just stay out of my way for the rest of the year!" he warns._

_Nicol and Athrun follow the pale haired guy to their classroom, Athrun with a determined look on his face, Nicol frightenly looking at the taller guy in front of him, it downs on him that the two will never become good friends._

_After class, he sees that the pale haired guy –Isaac! He made a mental note to himself about that- was talking to a blond haired guy, Diakka, he believes that was his name, the two seem to be good friends, so he knew he shouldn't be talking against either of them, they weren't the type of guys he'd like to run into in a dark alley._

"_Hey, green boy!" Diakka suddenly shouts, Nicol curses himself for turning around and facing the blond._

"_Yes... ehm, Diakka, was it?" he asks as if he isn't certain._

_Diakka nods. "Why does a little punk like you decide to join the military?" he asks amused._

_Nicol doesn't answer, he thinks that these guys probably only do this for the fun of fighting, he has his own reasons, it wasn't for them to know._

"_Hey, I was asking you a question!" Diakka shouts, grabbing the younger boy at his shoulders._

_Nicol whimpered a bit._

"_Leave him alone, you guys!" Nicol suddenly hears, he turns around and looks into the face of his friend._

"_Oh look, the chibi's are there to help eachother out..." Isaac says with a smirk._

_Athrun gives him an angry look and puts his hand on Diakka's. "Let him go, Diakka!" he says threatening._

_Diakka sighs and lets go. "Stupid punk!" she hisses out and walks away, following the lead of Isaac._

_Nicol taked a deep breath. "I thank you, Athrun, those guys really scare me!" he says, ashamed to admit it._

_Athrun shakes his head. "You shouldn't be intimidated by them, it seems like they'll be the bullies of the year..." he says with a sigh. "Just show that you're not afrain, even if you are, it's not like I like them..."_

_That makes Nicol laugh._

The memory makes Nicol laugh as well, he looks at the time, it's evening already and he still hasn't unpacked his bag.

He decides to start with it right away.

His mother helped him packing his bag, so he was sure there were a lot of things in it that he didn't really need, he smiles, his mother is just too protective, asking him 10 times to make sure he's got enough warm clothes, while she was there when he packed his bag.

He finds his locker and opens it, there isn't really much space for his clothes, not that he really needs it, though, he quickly stuffs his clothes in it and looks at the last thing his mother put in the bag, his music sheets, he looks through it, knowing he still needs to learn every part, it makes him miss his family, especially his mother, what made him make such a decision? Nicol didn't know it anymore. The classes were terrible, especially when he needed to fight, everyone in his class was bigger them him and had a lot more strength. He alsways ended up on the losing side, but he noticed that most of the guys and girls were very gentle with him, probably because he was the youngest.

Except for Isaac of course, he still needs to smile about the time he actually got him down on the mat and his reaction.

He owned it partially to Athrun, who taught him how to do it right.

"Hey!" he suddenly hears, he turns around and looks into the face of Rusty.

"Yes?" he asks, walking towards him.

Rusty smiles and looks at the smaller boy. "Welcome dinner is about to start, you're late!" he says.

"Again?" Nicol answers, he never really got the hang of the strange times of classes and he was aslways late.

Rusty nods. "Yes and so am I, so don't worry about it, I don't think the others will hate you for it... except maybe Isaac, but he seems to have something against everyone... everyone who's better than him in any way, that is!" he says with a wink.

That makes Nicol blush, Isaac came in second in most tests, but there was a class about strategics and, suprisingly, he came in second! He was really happy, even the angry reaction of Isaac couldn't bother him anymore.

"Well, I guess we should go now!" he says smiling.

Rusty nods again and the two start walking towards the room that they called a cafeteria.

The others are already there and look at the two late comers.

"Rusty, Nicol, here's a place for you!" Athrun shouts, petting the two free places besides him.

Nicol smiles happily and walks towards his friend. "Thanks!" he says and he sits down, looking up and seeing Isaac's eyes.

'Great, so we're at the same table...' he thinks with a sigh.

"I don't know how you made it so far, but I still think of you as a weakling!" Isaac tells him.

'Think whatever you want...' Nicol thinks, but decides not to say it.

"So is Kruze going to join this dinner?" Nicol asks, remembering his masked superiour.

"Word is his going to be here, but who knows..." Miguel says with a grin. "It seems like he stayed away several times on a welcomming dinner!"

Nicol frowns his eyebrows.

"Who's that, father?" Nicol asks, he's 13 years old and his father teacher him everything about ZAFT.

"_That's Raoel Kruze, he's one of the best ZAFT leaders, he recruted hundreds of soldiers and many are victorious!" his father explains, looking at the picture on the computer screen._

"_Why is he wearing a mask?" Nicol asks._

_His father shrugges his shoulders. "No one knows, but it seems no one knows anything about him, not where he came from, what he did before he joined ZAFT, it was like he never excisted before that..." he explains._

_An uncontrolled shiver runs down Nicol's spine. "I sure hope I never run into him!" he softly says._

_Those words deserved an angry glare from his father. "He's the best teacher, when you join ZAFT, I'll make sure you'll be under his control!" he firmly says._

_Nicol didn't like this prospect and he wasn't planning to join ZAFT, but he thought it was better to just approve to his father's decision. "Yes father, I guess you know best..." he replies._

_His father nods._

'_No way that I'll ever stand under his control!' Nicol thinks, he looks at the masked man on the screen, there's something frightening about him, like he's some kind of mad man._

Nicol smiles at the memory, who would've known that 2 years later he'd be a pilot under Kruze? He sure didn't, even now, he still wasn't completely sure if this is what he wanted, but at least he'd be able to protect his family by doing this.

"Hey, are you going to stay dreaming like that? Your dinner is getting cold!" Diakka says laughing.

"He's probably dreaming about his big hero: Raoel Kruze..." Isaac says with a grin.

The others at the table laugh about that and Nicol blushes.

He looks at the table and sees it's now filled with food. 'When did that get served?' he thinks, he can't remember seing that it was there before.

He's just about to start dinner as the door opens and Kruze walks in, he walks straight for the table where he's at. For some reason his heart is pounding with fear.

"Good evening, first years, I've got a special assignment for you!" he says.

Nicol looks at the man with open mouth, the man was huge, just as he expected him to be, only more composed.

The people at the table stand up and salute, Nicol quickly follows them.

"Yes, just sit down for now, Isaac Joule, Diakka Erthman, Athrun Zala, Miguel Aiman, Rusty and Nicol Amalfi, I want to see you in my office after dinner, I'll explain the plan then!" Kruze continues, then he walks away again.

Nicol heard Kruze calling some names, he didn't really pay attention, it wasn't a suprise that Isaac and Diakka would get a special assignment, he also could've guessed Athrun was allowed to join, that Miguel and Rusty were in was already sure to him, but when he heard the last name, he got the shock of his life. 'M-me?' he thinks. 'I'm selected? Why would Kruze do that?"

He looks around the table and sees a lot of disappointed faces, he looks at Isaac and Diakka, who look more then pleased with themselves, so do Rusty and Miguel, but the look on Athrun face tells him he has mixed feelings as well.

The others continue their dinner, but for some reason, Nicol isn't very hungry anymore, he can't stop thinking about their mission.

After their visit to Kruze, Nicol was even more confused, going to a natural colony to steal 5 mobile suits wasn't really what he origionally planned, it'd place him in a different place where he'd want to be, on the attacking side!

He went straight for his room, ignoring the happy words of Isaac. –Now we'll show those Naturals what we're made off!-

He wasn't sure he wanted to do this, Heliopolis was a neutral colony, under Orb, just like Unius 7 was just a mere farmer PLANT... If they attacked in that colony, would that make them better then the Naturals or just as bad?

He had his doubts about it, but he knew he'd never speak them.

"Mama, please don't worry, I won't attack innocent people, I'll only do this to protect you, I'll be on the defensive side!" Nicol says, trying to confince his mother of his right.

_His mother sighed, like she didn't believe a word of what he just said._

_Nicol knew his mother WOULD worry and of course she'd be afraid he'd end up attacking and killing innocent people. He knew he'd never do that, He'd only dispose of his enemies and nothing else came to his mind._

_He had just found out that he'd been selected for pilot training and called home to tell about it. He'd hoped he'd be able to talk to his father, but it was his mother who answered the phone._

_She hadn't been pleased to hear where her son had ended up and wanted him to come home, even if Nicol had wanted that, he still wouldn't have done it, he had signed up for it, he couldn't go back now!_

_He felt hot tears prickling behind his eyes, but he's ignored them, he desperately hoped that Kruze wouldn't let them do something like attacking a neutral colony, the pain of the loss of Unius 7 was still fresh in his mind._

"_Don't worry, mom!" he repeats for the tenth time, knowing his mother wouldn't stop worrying. "I need to go now, I'll talk to you soon, bye mama!" _

_He quickly ends the phone call, knowing that he'd start crying if he'd continue the call._

_"Supressed by all my/ Childish fears"_

Once more, he found himself nearly crying, he told himself that soldiers don't cry, he wasn't a little boy anymore, who'd hide underneath his bed whenever the topic 'war' would acurve, he was right in the middle of it now and he'd do whatever he could to protect the people he loves.

The next day, Nicol got out of bed early, he didn't get much sleep last night, visions of dead people were bursting through his head, also, he saw himself, sitting in a Mobile Suit, being the one who killed.

He slowly walks towards the assembling hall, finding out that Athrun was already there, he seems tired as well.

"Goodmorning, Athrun!" Nicol says with a faint smile.

Athrun gives him the same smile back. "Hello, Nicol, sleep well?" he silently asks.

Nicol shakes his head. "No, I didn't..." he replies.

Athrun nods, as if he completely understands what the green haired boy is going through.

"Me neither..." he says with a sigh.

Nicol doesn't answer to this, he could see in his eyes he doesn't want to talk about it.

Isaac and Diakka walk in, seemingly suprised to find Athrun and Nicol already there.

"Goodmorning..." Nicol says faintly.

He doesn't wait for their reply, knowing he won't get any.

Rusty and Miguel walk inside at the same time as Kruze.

Their assignment gets explained again and they're off to Heliopolis.

_"Don't turn away/ Don't try to hide/ Don't close your eyes."_

Nicol felt weak, the assignment worked out ok, but Rusty hadn't returned, he was killed by the hands of a Morgenreater engineer.

The others had been angry, but he only felt pain, losing a dear friend wasn't the only thing, he had killed numerous soldiers and although he ad said he'd kill every enemy opposing him, it didn't feel good.

He thought about the suits they had stolen, they were incredible fighting machines, he never thought a suit could possess so much strength and he almost feared it's power.

They could only get 4 suits out of the 5 since Rusty died, Nicol thought it'd be enough, but Isaac told him to watch his words, even just 1 suit could be enough to whipe ZAFT out completely, although it wouldn't do anything at the hands of a Natural.

He had sighed, the death of Rusty didn't even seem to hurt Isaac.

Athrun hadn't said anything since they came back, he seemed in a complete shock, but Nicol had the strange feeling it wasn't just because Rusty died, no, this was something bigger and he intended to find out if he had the chance, but Athrun had left without an explaination.

He tries to remember when this shock started.

Nicol found a suit and got inside it.

'_This thing is incredible!' he thinks when he looks through the computer files._

'_But it won't work if it's installed like this, are Naturals really that stupid?' _

_He quickly updates the OS of the suit and hears the annoyed "Nicol!" the radio, Isaac wanted him to hurry up._

"_Just a second, a little more!" he quickly says, when he's ready, he puts the huge suit on his feet. 'Truly amazing!' he thinks._

_They needed to leave the area now, but Athrun didn't seem to do anything to activate his suit, he decided to leave anyhow._

_When he looked behind him, he saw that Athrun activated his Phase Shift armor._

'_What in the world is he planning to do, all whe have to do is take the suits and leave, why is he staying behind?' he thinks, he wanted to ask him, but thought Athrun must have a good reason for doing this, maybe he just didn't want to leave Miguel behind, losing one teammember a day is more than enough, Nicol thought that as well._

_He heard Miguel telling him to leave and Athrun decided to leave._

_Nicol made a short sigh of relief, for some reason it felt better to know that Athrun would be save._

_"Always confusing/ The thoughts in my head"_

'Something must've happened before we got the Mobile Suits...' Nicol thinks, he sighs, looking at the suit he brought back, it was huge, only meant for one purpose, battle.

He feared that protection wasn't the only thing he had to think of, he had to attack, Kruze already said they'd go back to Heliopolid to get the last suit.

Athrun still needed to go to Kruze's office, Kruze probably wanted to punish him for his latest failure or something, Nicol felt sorry for him.

Before he could think of anything else, he saw Miguel coming into the room, going to his Ginn and launching.

'He's probably going for that last unit...' he thinks with a silent sigh and he knew Miguel wouldn't return without it. 'Be careful!' he thinks.

He watches as the door opens again and Athrun runs inside, towards the suit he stole and leaving as well.

"Athrun? But why?'' he says out loud. He wants to follow the event so he leaves and surges a screen to see what happens outside.

Nicol watches when first the leg of Miguel's suit disappears and then his whole suit gets destroyed.

He feels his heart dying a little more. 'No, Miguel!' he thinks, swallowing his tears. "Not Miguel!" he whispers.

Athrun's suit does not move, it flies in front of the enemy, not doing anything, the enemy suit doesn't move eiteher, now Nicol is thoroughly confused. 'Why isn't he attacking?' he thinks.

He looks in fear as missiles of the legged ship fly towards the colony and hit it full speed.

Still the suits don't move, the colony is starting to fall apart.

'No, Heliopolis!' Nicol thinks, images of Unius 7 are flashing in front of his eyes.

'Not... not again... no...' he thinks, breathing heavy. 'So easily destroyed... so many lives... whiped out... like... like they don't mean anything!'

"_Frozen inside"_


End file.
